This has been a super over the top emotional week! Filled with both good and bad emotions.
This week began with my cousin passing away. VERY unexpected and sad. Due to family drama which I will not mention I lost touch with my cousins when I was very young. We got back in touch after mommy passed away. And I am so grateful for that. There is nothing stranger than having your blood family be a complete stranger. I am thankful for the opportunity to truly get to know my cousins as adults! My heart is broken for my family who has lost a sister, an aunt and a daughter. She is gone too soon. I wish I could have flown home to say good-bye in person. RIP Denise, I really hope Princess Diana greeted you at the gates of Heaven.
This weekend marks 2 years that Tony passed away. October and November are the hardest months of the year for me. The anniversaries of Uncle Ed, Carol and Mommy never get easier. This is the time of year when I cry at the drop of a dime and am very easily overwhelmed (like, VERY easily!)
It really breaks my heart that Tony is gone. I hate that I don’t feel like I have true closure with him. The whole “not being there when they buried his ashes” was very harsh for me. But I am so grateful that I was able to make it to Jersey for his wake!
Today I was really struggling with guilt. I ran some errands and I really didn’t want to drive “all the way to the liquor store” to get a small thing of Johnny Walker Black to toast to Tony – I went home to relax by the pool. I felt very guilty, but I also know it was truly what I needed to do for me to recharge for a BIG few days (more to come on that later). I got back from the pool and was glancing at Facebook on my phone and my friend posted a pic of a San Francisco mural of
Heathcliff! I all but cried! Heathcliff is Tony’s favorite cartoon character (I have his stuffed Heathcliff in one of my boxes)! I immediately KNEW it was a sign from heaven! I let go of all of my guilt!
I emailed my friend about the pic and how much it meant to me! He responded that this was literally the only pic he took other than park pics! And he almost didn’t take it because his friends were walking away. He snapped it quickly hoping it wasn’t blurry! He didn’t even look at the pic until right before he posted it! Seriously WHAT a sign!!!
I don’t dream with Tony like I do with my mom, so I am over the moon about this sign! You have no idea!
Thanks, Riza for posting this amazing pic! Even though you had no idea how BIG of an impact it would have on me!!!