This week started off AWESOME! I had a pretty big role in a HUGE company presentation! And by the Grace of God I really nailed it! I will not lie I am really over the moon proud of myself! I truly love to live life outside of my comfort zone! And well, my job had without a doubt provided several opportunities for me to do so!
I was basking in my confidence high for a few days. Well until today…..today a random story about an old fling came up. I basked in the fun memories and then made the major mistake of facebooking said person. Turns out this playboy is married with a family.
Let me be crystal (like Waterford) clear, I in no way shape or form ever ever ever wanted to marry this fling. But seeing him married when I am not, REALLY (really, really) struck a chord! It is rare when I have “meltdown moments” and pity parties as I truly believe I am right where God wants me to be!
But, today was a WHOLE different story! My high on life was quickly deflated! I was filled with sadness and self doubt. What is wrong with ME that I am not married and I don’t have kids? What did I do wrong to deserve this? It was bad (like thankfully I work from home so I can sob, bad)!
But, then a little voice inside of me said “get your ish together girl and think about ALL of the AMAZING things in your life because you are not yet married! So I began thinking…..
- First and foremost having the ability to up and move to California as soon as the opportunity presented itself (like within 4 weeks!)
- The ability to enjoy business travel and tack on extra time to explore the city I am in (when possible)
- My freedom – being able to plan a long weekend away at the drop of a dime and being able to truly enjoy it
- Having my seat saved on the Salisbury’s boat for the boat parade (the boat is full lol) – sorry future hubs THIS is my Dec tradition for too many years I will meet you after the parade!
- Being able to stay at the Salisbury’s at any time because the air mattress is perfect for 1!!!!!
- The ability to have cheese for dinner or just skipping dinner all together because I don’t have to plan for someone else
- Being able to make plans OR spend the entire weekend at the pool with no human contact
- Being able to be ME even if it means being flirtatious!
- Not feeling guilty about the hours I have chosen to put towards my personal development, growth AND career
- Being able to focus on what I want MY future to look like and planning it around moi!
- My Journey with Jesus – it was all about me and my needs – I truly believe I had to get my relationship with Jesus right before I can make a good partner/wife!
- I can love Gateau as a child without guilt!
- The ability to truly get to know WHO I am and just how KICK-ASS I am on my own !
- I am not miserable because I settled!!!
- I know my worth and I have not settled for less than I deserve
Yes, I still want to get married and have babies. And no, I am not really “happy” that I am not (even though I 100% trust in God’s plan). But looking at the situation from a gratitude lens vs a lens of lack has made a CRAZY huge difference! I cancelled the pity party I had planned for this evening. Instead I opened a small bottle of bubbles (I always have bubbles on hand, including the small bottles so I can celebrate all successes) to toast to my big professional and personal win on Monday!
I honestly and truly know I am right where I am meant to be! I know God has a plan for me! And I am so grateful that this little voice inside me today was so POWERFUL that it made me reset to a state of gratitude and forced me to focus on what HAS happened because I am right where I am meant to be!