When I first started surrounding myself with entrepreneurs, they shared their raw ups and downs. One minute you feel like you are on top of the world and doing AMAZING and the next second you feel like you suck at everything you do!
I am on this amazing and blessed journey transitioning from “employee” to “business owner” but man at times all I can think is “WOW! Am I batsh*t crazy?”, though I no the answer is NO! I do doubt myself sometimes.
This blog is different…most of my blogs are pretty fleshed out in my mind before I even start typing. As I have mentioned before, I pride myself on NOT rewriting a blog – I try to be genuine and raw. This blog has been brewing in my brain for a while and even had some technical difficulties (darn you wordress updates and thank you to my dear friend to help me in a panic!
I am on an entrepreneurial roller coaster ok the words are NOT apples to apples but when I think of my emotional rollercoaster journey this is the theme song (remix) I hear. I may or may not have vivid Jersey memories of clubbing but that is either here or there!
It is about 5 months since I was let go and started “writing my new chapter”. I absolutely LOVE this season of my life however I have never EVER felt more “bipolar” I want to go on record that I am not poking fun at this disease or minimizing it, I just have no other words to truly describe how I feel. Somedays I fluctuate from “I am loving life and writing my new chapter” to “holy sh*t how do I pay bills and how HARD do I have to work” or “am I capable of this?”. I remember seeing these crazy drawings of how an entrepreneur feels, I think I was delayed in feeling it because of my freelance gig.
I literally go from feeling like “I’ve got this, I can handle this” to “OMG OMG OMG what does my bank account say”! Then back to I am walking my faith walk to OMG OMG can I afford a soda?! I am not ashamed to admit that I FEEL this drama first, panic and THEN push into Jesus!!! Honestly? Sometimes I envision Jesus with His palm to His forehead saying “really? You freaked out first instead of talking to Me”? I am NOT shy about sharing my love for Jesus #lovemesomeJesus and I trust Him 110% but my human side gets in the way sometimes! It is crazy frustrating! I pray daily to relinquish my control and walk on faith 100%!
You guys, this journey is amazing and wonderful but it is NOT EASY!!!!! I also know God has bigger plans for my life and “easy” is not part of it! As I am blogging I am unsure how some of my important bills will be paid this month yet I know God will provide. I am totally struggling with relying on faith and relinquishing my human control!
I am not blogging this for pity but to KEEP IT REAL with/for you! I a million % know I am right where I am meant to be even if it is hard! I want to share a spark of inspiration for YOU – you who is in a dark season or you who is feeling like WTF am I doing and encourage you to follow your faith and push through! There is a saying and I am not researching WHO said it but “it may not be easy but it will be worth it”! Keep YOUR head up and keep on keeping on! Message me if you need inspiration or motivation!
PS this is my 1st blog posted from my #newlaptop!